A kiss can be so powerful that it can bring together the souls of two lovers, but the burning question for many guys is when should you have your first kiss in a relationship?
There have been tons of studies on the importance of kissing. Data from these surveys have shown that the overwhelming majority of couples consider their first kiss to be a very important marker in their relationship that shows a new level of commitment level and is an important developmental stage of every new relationship.
Other major steps in any new relationship are saying the eternally magic words “I love you” and of course, the first time that you share your bodies and get down to a bit of “bump n grind” action!
Not only is the first kiss a milestone in a relationship, but for most of us, it is a kind of “rite of passage” and signifies huge changes in your development as a healthy and happy adult. In most relationships, kissing is the first sexual event that will take place (when the time is right). This usually leads to a progression of sexual activity that develops into petting, and heavy petting, and culminates with full sexual intercourse.
The first kiss is a huge event and should be a memorable experience in every relationship. That’s why the Ape has compiled a survival guide for men that need a few hints and tips before they go in for their first passionate embrace and a little advice on how to determine when you should have your first kiss in a relationship.
Did you know?
Kissing is a complex behavior that involves the muscular coordination of 34 facial muscles and 112 postural muscles.
The main muscle involved in kissing is the Orbicularis Oris muscle. This is the one that allows you to “pucker the lips” and is often referred to as “the kissing muscle.”
Lips have tons of nerve endings which means that they are super sensitive and provide enormous pleasure!
Let’s also not forget the health benefits! Affection has been proven to have stress-reducing effects. Kissing, in particular, has been studied in controlled experiments and it was found that increasing the frequency of kissing in relationships resulted in a reduction of perceived stress, increased relationship satisfaction, and incredibly, a lowering of cholesterol levels.
Common First kiss fears
- Is it the right time for the first kiss?
- Will she think I’m a good kisser?
- What if I don’t get any warning and my breath stinks?
- I am a kissing virgin and don’t even know how to kiss!
- How do I read “the signals” and determine if she wants to kiss me?
- Should I use my tongue and how much do I use it?
- What do I do with my hands?
- How long should the kiss last?
It’s okay if you aren’t the best kisser in the world! Chances are your first kiss won’t be a 30-minute full-on-make-out session. It’s more likely to last for around 4 or 5 seconds and you both pucker the lips so that they touch each other while providing a little suction.
While that may sound simple, there are other questions to consider!
When should you have your first kiss in a relationship?
How long into a relationship should you kiss varies from couple to couple but if it feels right, it’s probably the right time to kiss in your relationship
For most guys, you’ll instinctively know when a girl wants to kiss you. Many times, the girl will look deeply into your eyes and slowly lean into you. At this point, you should lean gently into her. If she doesn’t step or lean back (or scream), you know that your first kiss is about to happen!!!
Before you go any further, are you sure that she wants to kiss you? You can’t kiss her if she’s not into it so try your best to make sure your date has shown a clear interest in you. This is a judgment call: If you’ve been getting on well, you’re sitting somewhere private, and she’s playing with her hair, and laughing at your stupid jokes, KISS HER!
Seize the moment dear boy! You could ask her “Would it be OK if I kissed you?” But most women don’t like this wishy-washy attitude and report being turned off by this question! The best way is to exercise your judgment and take control of the situation. Read the signs and ensure that you always act respectfully, but confidently!
First kiss tips
Make sure you don’t have stinky breath
Fresh breath is a must for every kiss, and of course, the first kiss with a new partner is the most important. As a modern guy, you should already be exercising good oral hygiene every day (and not just on date night)! You should be brushing your teeth twice a day and flossing doesn’t hurt either. If you have a date lined up, it might be a good idea to skip the cigarettes and garlic bread that particular evening!!!
A bit of prep goes a long way
With a little bit of luck, you’re going to be pretty close to the lady in question so body odor is a big no-no! On the other side of the coin, smelling like the cologne counter at Macy’s isn’t recommended either! A thorough shower, a good shave, and just enough cologne will have your date swooning (hopefully!)
When you dress for a date, make sure your clothing is clean and well-ironed. Give yourself a bit of time to get ready and only wear clothing that makes you feel confident.
For the first kiss, it’s usually best to sit as close as possible and facing towards her. It can be a total disaster if you have to lean in from 2 feet away or if you startle her with a kiss she didn’t know was coming!
It’s also good practice to give her a hint of your intentions by getting closer and looking into her eyes. If it feels right, you can also gently hold her hand before going in for the kiss. The golden rule is to try your best to observe her signals and take the situation one moment at a time. When the time is perfect, you will know!!!
You might recall from the movie “Hitch”, that Will Smith’s character taught the 90/10 Rule: meaning that you lean in 90% of the way, and wait for her to make up the remaining 10%. There are no hard and fast rules in the world of kissing, but the 90/10 rule is a handy guide that will help you take charge of the situation while not appearing too dominating or even slightly creepy!
To tongue or not to tongue, that is the question
Too much tongue on your first kiss is a definite thumbs down. A perfect first kiss should ideally involve mostly lip-to-lip contact. If her lips are slightly open and you feel the passion rising quickly, it might be a suitable time to engage the tongue.
If you do decide on a little tongue action, do not try to lick her tonsils or flick your tongue in and out like some kind of reptile. Just tentatively probe her mouth but be aware of not filling it with your saliva!
Should I close my eyes?
While not every single person closes their eyes when kissing, some kissing partners are freaked out by it! So it’s much safer to close your eyes when you lock your lips for the first time. One day in the future, you may feel comfortable enough to keep them open but don’t try this until you know each other better at which point you can experiment a little.
How will I know when the kiss is over?
Don’t overthink it! Savor the moment and let go! Once your lips are locked, enjoy it for god’s sake! If it’s your first kiss, it’s better not to get too carried away. Just kiss for 4 or 5 seconds and then slowly move your head back. Your lady will sense that the kiss is concluding and she will move her head back too. As you move back, slowly open your eyes, and don’t forget to smile.
Our pro tip is to sneak in a quick smaller kiss after you have separated from the initial kiss. It shows her that you really enjoyed the kiss and will hopefully send a shiver down her spine and potentially open the door for more kissing.
When do couples have their first kiss?
Everyone’s situation is different but as a general guideline, between the end of the first and the end of the third date. If you leave it much longer than this, she might think you are not attracted to her.
If it feels like the right time, it is probably the right time. Make sure that the first kiss is memorable and romantic.
Don’t get consumed by your desire to kiss her. Remember that she’s a person that wants to be understood and appreciated and not just treated as a sex object.
When you should kiss in a relationship actually varies from couple to couple.
You have the skills and the confidence to kiss your dream girl so take the chance and create one of the happiest and most memorable moments of your life.
Don’t be afraid! The first kiss will soon be behind you and you’ll look back on this time with fond memories as you build a life with the girl that captured your heart.
For more advice on when to have your first kiss in a relationship, check out these great articles
“How to Kiss…Well” from Esquire.com
“Make Out Tips For Guys” from Luvze.com
“How to Kiss a Girl? Kissing Tips and Advice for Guys” from Pairedlife.com
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